Hello Friends,  Sorry it's been so long since my last post, but it was intentional.  I have had some personal struggles with this weight loss journey.  I was stuck at a plateau after losing 102 pounds this year.  The thought of facing a class reunion this past weekend and not being at the goal weight I had in mind for this specific occasion was really disturbing to me, and I had to explore the reasons I was unable to personally  celebrate my loss of 102 pounds and instead chose to focus on the fact I hadn't reached that magic number, which I swore I wasn't going to do.

Fast forward to the reunion and let me just say I had a blast.  No one really cares about our appearance as much as we do.  We have all gained some weight, some wrinkles; lost a few things, hair, eyesight, hearing etc., but you know what?  I didn't judge one person there, nor did I judge myself.  I soaked up the communication, the friendship, the support and the love of those that have known me all my life.  Regardless of the number of friendships we develop in our lives, in my humble opinion, there is something so special about being among those that have known you all your life; especially during the formative years when you are trying on who you are going to become.  Reminiscing and laughing about things we did "back then" that maybe weren't so politically correct, but fun making worthy, was really refreshing to me.  I miss the days of being able to laugh at yourself or at someone else's expense without the threat of a lawsuit, or ruining someone's future or fear that your ruining them for life.  We all did stupid things, threw caution to the wind, and I relish the fact that we are able to share those stories and revel in the commonality of being a kid from Trotwood.  I don't care what anyone say's, there is something really special about being a part of the time we grew up in Trotwood.  I believe to this day, I could call a classmate on the phone if I needed help, and even if they didn't know me well, they would help me or find someone that could because we were from Trotwood.   That's what I take from Trotwood.  I know some children of your's that are from Trotwood, and they have the same pride, the same sense of community.   We were a community that had a common bond of growing up in a free, challenging, difficult time and became pretty awesome adults and contributors to society.  I loved seeing the pride on friends faces when they talked about their children, grandchildren, stories about their parent's, and sharing the joy of those that still have their parents.

I don't have my parents, and lost my brother this year, and as I posted previously, have reached the point in my life where the only person left in my life that uses my weight as a barometer of the person I am is ME.  I've let it go.  This reunion brought me full circle.  I recognized people that I found to be improved more interesting versions of themselves.  Yes, we had more lines on our faces, were a little thicker at the waist, a little less hair, but there was such a sense of joy and accomplishment and self acceptance, that I have to tell you, I think that is a whole lot sexier that being self absorbed but flawless.  

It's not that I have completely lost my mind,  I am continuing on this weight loss journey and I am not suggesting that I don't care about my personal appearance, I just learned this week-end that I am going to treat myself with the same care and tenderness that I would a friend.  For me the physicality of who I am is changing on what seems a daily basis at times, but at the core of my being, I am a girl from Trotwood, who made great friends and have wonderful high school memories and learned with all of you the difference in right and wrong and how to be a friend.    This is life, the physical changes are inevitable and they can only be kept at bay for so long, but what we do have to look forward to is the thought that most of the hard stuff is behind us, and what is left is the pleasure of the lives we have made for ourselves and those we choose to share those gifts with.  I've also realized that by being so hung up on the physical changes, I was not living in the moment.

 I look forward to reconnecting with old/new friends and making some new memories.  I hope this inspires some of you to work up the courage to join us at the next reunion especially  if you are having second thoughts because you're afraid you're too heavy or too old looking or TOO SOMETHING...  I walked in feeling that way and left feeling like I went home for the first time in a long time; to people that know me, accept me, and take me as I am where I am...whatever that might be.  Carolyn Wilkinson

Until next time...CT